Okey, so, I’ve seen a lot of you guys whining about having to be rich to see the world and stuff. So I made a guild on how I managed 20 countries in Europe for 2 months. Yes, I’m Canadian, I’m sorry.
Let’s get started.
First off, how the f**k do I cross the Atlantic and GET to Europe?! shits costs $3000 or $1900 or some BS high number that nobody but rich people can afford. Not true my friend, I give you
And Kayak https://www.ca.kayak.com/flights
Wtf are these? Well, these are search engines that search a large number of flight companies and gives you the cheapest rate.
“But Anon the prices are still 600-800 dollars”
I hear you say. Well, believe it or not, u can find flights for as low as $140 Canadian. Mind you it is one way, and at the time I only had 5 hours to get to the gate, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE.
Basically, it works like this: The big Boeing jets have a lot of seats to fill, and if they DON’T fill them, let’s say because of it’s the offseason, they won’t break even on costs. So 3 days prior to departure, they will toss tickets up for stupidly cheap. ALL YOU have to do is search every morning for these such flights. Make sure you are in INCOGNITO MODE. because flights actually do increase the more you search flights.
So you got your flight… let say you didn’t get the cheapest and u paid $300 Canadian. no joke, those are super easy to find tickets.
it lands you. SOMEWHERE in Europe. because chances are, you don’t get to pick.
“Now what Anon? I have my backpack and suitcase….” No NO NO! only backpacks. trust me suitcase will instantly make your trip no fun. if it doesn’t fit on your back. You’re not taking it. suitcases are heavy, literally, nowhere has nice paved western style roads and u won’t be running to catch any bus with that nonsense.
Getting around Europe.
FlixBus App https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=de.flixbus.app&hl=en
GoEuro App https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.goeuro.rosie&hl=en
These are the two I used. Flixbus mainly. Basically, it’s a big green bus that goes all over Europe for dirty dirty dirty cheap. and it’s nice! You get Wifi, u get power outlets, small af shitter, and sometimes even tea and coffee machines! the tickets are digitally saved to your phone so u just book them in a McDonald or a coffee shop and then the bus driver scans your phone and away you go. simple.
The cost ranges from 9 Euros to 15 Euros and 30 Euros depending on how far you plan to go, 15 euro is normal, though.
Goeuro is more for the eastern part of Europe when Flexybus stops going into.
“But anon I hate buses” Well if you’re an introvert or simply hard buses, GoEuro app does have Blah Blah Car which is EVEN cheaper then Flixbus but it’s basically ride sharing. Some dude/gal is driving from post a to b, and you tag along with him/her. no wifi in a strangers car tho.
“But anon what about the European rail service?” Fuck that shit, it’s expensive, it goes too fast to see anything, and it doesn’t have WiFi or power outlets.
How expensive you do ask? Well, it was 370 dollars Canadian from Poland to Czech. and Flixbus was 50. time difference? 3 hours.
Okey so now you’re getting between cities for about 5-15-30 euros depending on how far.
Where you stay in Europe.
HOSTELS! they are your friend!
Hostelworld App http://www.hostelworld.com
This app is basically all you need. It has millions and millions of hostels all over the world. you literally will never be homeless ever. Plus it makes socializing super super easy. hostels are usually age restricted so it’s only people in their 20s-30s. but some don’t, so you are in luck too.
The app has pictures, descriptions, list of facilities, reviews, directions, everything you could possibly need to make a choice, plus u can book online from Flixbus as you arrive into whatever city you decided to travel too.
Hostels in cheap countries cost 5-7 euros a night and usually are full service + breakfast and are nice as f*****k. Hostels in stable countries are usually 10-15 euros and are usually NOT full service and come with breakfast usually, they are also usually very nice. Hostels in rich countries cost 20-40 euros are usually the devils asshole that shits out micro transactions from everything from your blankets to the fucking towel. they are usually NEVER full service and come with breakfast but usually at the additional charge. fuck rich countries.
“But anon I don’t like sleeping in a room full of strangers” well…. get over it. OR if you ABSOLUTELY hate that idea. you can do couch surfing which is an app that lets you stay on strangers couches for FREE. it’s basically travel tinder with couches. Or a less slutty option is AirBnB app which is strangers renting out a single room of their house. or the whole house. or a guest house, or a shed. for very very cheap. or sometimes expensive. but its usually always very private.
“But anon I heard people jerk off in hostels” Yes… yes they do. get over it, and bring noise canceling earphones. You will also hear people talking in their sleep and lovely episodes of night terrors if ur lucky. both girls and guys occasionally can be heard walking off too. why? cause we are an over-stimulated generation that needs their porn/sex and when you travel you all of a sudden lose your privacy and your horniness builds and builds and builds until you and everyone else in the hostel is a powder keg of hormones that drive each other to learn how to flirt with other human beings to get sex? Oh, what? u mean I learn how to be a functional human being too?!?!?! yes, yes you do.
Laptops, Phones, and GPS/Maps
Laptop. Do. Not. Bring it. you don’t need it. at all. it will just get stolen or broken. You’re seeing the world, not playing league of legends in your room. also its heavy as fuck.
Maps and GPS. don’t need either. I’ll explain why.
YOUR SMART PHONE is all you need. no international sim card, no international phone plan, no nothing. just a regular phone.
step 1: Turn on offline google maps. this means that when u enter a new city, your phone will automatically download the city and surrounding areas. meaning you have google maps of the place. and since most smartphones have built-in GPS you can still tell where u are at all times. when you arrive into a new city and you are using Flexybus, train, or even plane. everywhere has free wifi so it will automatically download it. EVEN IF you WALK into the city, just go into a coffee shop.
step 2: screen shot your hostels location and use the offline maps and GPS to locate it.
“But anon I need to be able to Snapchat my every move” get over it. this is a guild on how to be thrifty not retaining your first world problems.
“but seriously anon what if i get into trouble and need to make a call” If your seriously in trouble u CAN make a call with your western phone plan. you will get violated by your phone provider in terms of cost. but if u have too. you have too.
Otherwise use the hostels wifi to ether skype, facebook facetime, regular iphone facetime, watsapp or basically any other phoning service that uses data instead of airtime.
If your a functioning adult and can cook
A two week vacation in Europe
Flight cost: 300 + 300 = $600
Room and board: 14 x 14 days = $196
Transportation (assuming you staying in each city for 2 days) 15 x 7 = $107
Food (assuming breakfast is included in 50% of hostels) and u eat two meals valuing 10 dollars each $280 and 7 breakfasts at 5 canadian $35
Your total *rich* euro trip is: $1218
I was gone for 2 months and spent $6000 Canadian but I lost about $1400 in conversation rates and probably another $400 in credit card service charges. and I did go into the rich countries which abused my wallet to no end. and lots of other mistakes that could have been avoided.