Hilarious Jokes of the Day. Here is the collection of top funny jokes that will make you laugh every time. In this post, we have included funny long jokes, short jokes, clean jokes, one liner jokes, and jokes for adults.
Funny Jokes of the Day
If you are looking for jokes of the day then you are in the right place. Here are few funny jokes that will make your day better.
#6. A man walks into a bar joke
He walks up to the counter and says, “Bartender, I’ll have three beers”.
The bartender replies, “Whoa, slow down, I need to see IDs for the other people.”
The man then goes to tell the bartender a story.
“You don’t understand. I have two brothers who I’m very close to. But now they live far away. So we made a promise that if we ever had a drink without the others, we would drink one for the missing brothers”.
He then took the drinks and carefully set each one at a chair and proceeded to drink each one until they were done. This goes on for a few years.
The bartender admired the man’s dedication to this tradition.
One day, the guy arrived and only ordered two drinks. He proceeded with his ritual and when he was done, he went to the bar to get a second round.
The bartender was worried. Did something happen to one of the brothers? He was sad and said, “Knowing your tradition, I’m sorry for the loss of your brother”
The man replied, “Those guys are fine, my wife told me I need to quit drinking”
#5. (Joke of the day) Kung Fu student asks his teacher
“Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
“And the moon… when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training.”
#4. Funny joke of the day about gambling
Me: Can you help me get over my gambling addiction?
Therapist: You bet.
Me: Yes, that’s why I asked.
#3. (Jokes of the Day) Walking Home after Party
One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbles. “They misspelled my name!”
#2. Funny Jokes of the day about a man and a cop
Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.
“Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course – I think the police are wonderful – but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?”
“Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct.”
“What about if I were just to think it?”
“No sir. You can think whatever you like.”
“In that case, I think you’re a cunt.”
#1. Hilarious Joke About a Man and A Woman
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket.”
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea… just for tonight, let’s pretend we’re married.”
The woman thinks for a moment. “Why not,” she giggles. “Great,” he replies, “Get your own damn blanket!”
Long Jokes of the Day
Not all the jokes have certain humor to make you laugh but often you need to read a long joke to get the last laugh. However, here we are going to publish all the humorous long jokes of the day. Moreover, all these long jokes will definitely to make you LOL.
#4. Hilarious Long Joke of the day about Tommy and his dead horse
Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.
The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.”
Tommy replied, “Well, then just give me my money back. That’s fine.”
The farmer said, “Sorry, I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Tommy then said, “Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, “Why? What ya gonna do with him?”
Tommy replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
The farmer laughed and said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse! Who’d buy a ticket?”
Tommy answered, “Sure I can, just watch me. I just won’t tell anybody the horse is dead.”
A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, “What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?”
Tommy said, “I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece.”
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Tommy smiled and said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back.”
#3. Einstein and his driver
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:
“Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”
#2. Joke about 3 guys go to heaven
Three guys go to heaven, and are greeted by Saint Peter. Now, to get to heaven, they had to cross a large bridge.
“The quality of the vehicle you will drive across this bridge with will be determined by how many times you cheated on your spouse” says St. Peter.
The first guy walks up and St. Peter says to him, “You were married for 70 years and never cheated once.” The first guy receives a really nice super car of some sort.
The second guy walks up and St. Peter says to him, “You were married for 60 years and cheated 3 times.” So he receives a pretty beat up car.
The third guy walks up and St. Peter says to him, “You were married for 50 years and cheat over 5 times.” So he receives a really terrible car. Around half-way across the bridge, the first guy, the one in the super car, looks in his rear view mirror, and sees his wife on a skateboard.
#1. Long joke of the day about man vs cop
After work, a man gets pulled over by a cop.
The policeman approaches the drivers’ door.
“Is there a problem, Officer?”
The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”
The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
“You don’t have one?”
The man responds, “I lost it four times for drunk driving.”
The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
The policeman says, “Why not?”
“I stole this car.”
The officer says, “Stole it?”
The man says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”
At this point, the officer is getting irate. “You what?”
“She’s in the boot if you want to see.”
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says, “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!”
The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem, sir?”
“One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
“Murdered the owner?”
The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?”
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, “Is this your car sir?”
The man says, “Yes” and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. “Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”
The man replies, “I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!”
Jokes of the Day Final Thoughts
Jokes are enough entertainment to get you out of stress because of long lasting laugh. Also, funny jokes of the day often make you laugh way after hearing the jokes. However, most importantly, our goal is to provide you the best joke of the day that will make you laugh.
We are constantly searching and analyzing jokes then post here the best jokes of the day for you. So, visit this post often and get the best laugh.