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Short Funny Quotes of the Day
Oreos have become less of a snack and more of an ingredient.
100+ Latest Short Funny Quotes of the Day to Make You Giggle
If you plug an echo device into a smart plug and ask Alexa to turn off that smart plug. You have just asked Alexa to end its own life.
Being afraid to check your bank account is the adult version of being afraid to check your grades, while as a college student you are afraid to check both.
If dreams were consecutive, we’d all be able to live two lives.
Pretending to be busy on an 8 hour shift is harder than actually being busy on an 8 hour shift.
If we rebranded “Sunburns” as “Radiation burns” people would take the dangers more seriously.
Compliments from strangers on the internet are probably among the most genuine compliments you can receive.
Let us all take a moment to appreciate that our internal organs don’t itch.
A username is like a virtual tattoo. Some people make important, sentimental ones, and others make stupid jokes that they regret years later.
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
Every time it rains, someone is pissed because their plans have to be canceled, and someone else is thrilled because their plans have to be canceled.
Time that you enjoy wasting isn’t actually a waste of time.
Shark week is the safest time to go to the beach because all of the sharks are busy on TV.
People who say ‘Well, wait till you have kids!’ in a bitter, exasperated tone are inadvertently showcasing the best reason not to have kids.
Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument.
Diarrhea was probably a lot worse in the pre-toilet paper era.
In a few hundred years, the clothes that we consider fashionable today will probably be worn as halloween costumes.
When something gets cold its particles move slower, so a refrigerator is basically just a slow motion machine.
Being homeless is somehow similar to playing an RPG in real life. Traveling around and picking up random items that could come to a use.
There is a point in everyone’s life where $100 is a lot to give, but isn’t a lot to receive.
Getting someone’s phone number in person is like someone accepting your friend request in real life.
Push-ups are more fun if you think of doing them as bench pressing the entire planet.
‘90% success rate’ sounds a lot better than ‘1 in 10 chance of failure’.
Lucid dreaming is when you control the dream. Sleepwalking is when the dream controls you.
If you DDoS a company you can be tried with a Felony, but if a company throttles the internet you just have to deal with it.
If you eat a sandwich at 12 pm, it’s a meal. But if you eat a sandwich at 12 am, it’s a snack.
A Great White Shark would kill a human in the water, but a human would kick a shark’s fishy ass on land. So in a way, we’re evenly matched.
There are probably a lot of fatal vehicle accidents caused by a spider in the car and no one will ever know the reason the vehicle crashed.
We’ve all forgotten to turn our blinker off while driving, no big deal. But anyone else that does is a stupid asshole.
Know who complains more than millennials? Old guys complaining about millennials complaining.
The Swiss must have been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a cork screw in their army knife.
Shaving is essentially mowing your skin.
No 2 hours have a bigger difference than waking up at 5 AM as opposed to 7 AM.
Walking away from an explosion without reacting to it only makes it look like you had something to do with the explosion.
We could be missing out on all kinds of beautiful naturally occurring phenomena simply because we don’t have the right sensory organs to experience it.
The superstition that it’s bad luck for a groom to see his bride’s dress before the wedding was probably created be dress companies so the groom wouldn’t say it was too expensive and not buy it.
If ghosts were actually people who died with unfinished business, there would’ve been a huge increase the past 20 years from ghosts haunting someone to delete their browsing history.
Saliva isn’t viewed as being disgusting until it leaves your mouth.
All of your internal organs are functioning in total darkness and if you’re very very lucky, they’ll never see the light of day.
Cup holders are just cups for cups.
Pooping with the door open when you’re home alone is one of the best feelings there is.
You can tell a lot about a person if they say “DM” as “direct message” or “dungeon master”
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